As fire in a forest

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I dreamt about her some time ago, actually three or four years ago. Probably a dream not very remarkable. But she was in there (my image of her really) so it is a haunting dream.

I was the star in a TV show for children, I had a big costume in the form of Homer Simpson and I had to dance and sing in a colorful stage. I dislike so much to dance, I dislike much more to (try to) sing, and the disguises make me feel a bit ashamed, and when child I preferred to see the cartoons more that the tv shows. But I was a professional so I had to do everything I was asked with the heart. Nevertheless the producers wanted more rating so they hired a new co-star to the show. Who was she/he? I didn’t know, and as a professional I didn’t care because I had to work with anything they say. So I was dancing with people disguised of trees and flowers in the stage that was like a garden in the park. So the voice-over starts to talk while we are dancing, the new star is right there as a surprise to the public. There is a lady near me but I cannot see her because I can’t break the dance, because you know, that wouldn’t be professional… The male voice-over says she is from Denmark and I think that the producer have to be mad to bring here a girl from far away, a land so distant, I wonder if the rating has dropped so low. Thus in middle of the dance I permit myself a bit unprofessional glance, just half a second to see her without breaking the choreography. And it is the end, she is dressed in a soft and silky black dress, she is black haired and has a pretty smile and intense eyes. Is in that half a second that I understand that she has a beauty as hadn’t ever seen before in this country, exotism from a far away land.

That was a dream that I remember not because of even a second but for barely half a second. In the shared reality beyond the dream for those days we weren’t talking. I wasn’t a gentleman and came late to see her one day. She was very angry and I understood that I had did a lot of things wrong so my friendship with her was ruined. Two years later I called her and we talked a bit, she ask me to go out for a coffee but I knew that she was just polite and kind, and I polite and invariably said yes. I hope we don’t see anymore, it’s probable that she could give me a hug, but also is probable that she feels uncomfortable, the latter is enough reason to avoid and save her that issue. I couldn’t say I fell in love with her, or perhaps I didn’t allow it, she was from a reality totally different to my life, and I had always that idea that we were deeply incompatibles, assuming she would be able to accept me perhaps she wouldn’t be happy and my remembrance of her would be one not very happy as it is now.

Anyway I think that dream gave me the words I cannot find, that to me she’s a beauty beyond everything I could think possible.

PD: The title is a reference to a line from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman; the story with Milo Manara.