About absences

There is an argument that Hollywood likes to repeat in movies: some characters have a normal life until an event threats to destroy it (usually a rich competitor or a corporation) and they need to get an amount of money or to finish a challenge in a short lapse of time in order to survive. I write it as a way to apologize for the time since my last publication. Certainly I had loved to come back but in a rather unfortunate succession of events my life seemed to turn into that Hollywood argument.

In my previous post a life and months ago I talked about a robbery. I decided to sacrifice a part of my life in order to recover and replace the stolen objects, I got committed in an architectural office that was offered to me, it meant to stop to travel and work less in design and more in the legal side. With the work I got a credit line and used it responsibly to equip the office, also invested on my education getting software, books, education and in last place the tools to work, not the most expensive, in some cases they are second-hand or quite old. The problem was that disorganized place. They were used to charge me with responsibilities but not so fast to comply theirs, my savings and emergency resources ran out and it was clear that I needed to leave that office in the building I designed, calculated and even helped to build with my hands (this is an isometric, a technical perspective):

And that was all. These months my life is just getting a lot of work to try to pay the debts. In the road I simply had to leave so many aspects of my life, including the blogs but tried my best to be able to do it. In some days (two weeks perhaps) my only way food was water from the public service. I don’t write it to impress, is just the way sometimes life happens, we all have problems and is a fortune that it’s just a money related inconvenience. I missed to visit the friends, and I am doing my best to be here with you. My problems are far to have a near end so I thought it was a good moment to give an explanation. I just simply cannot be here, I am reposting some photos into Instagram, but all of them you have already seen them, I do it as a way to get a piece of relax and distraction, I cannot do the same here as WordPress requires more attention.

About my travels I think every place is a place to discover, so even if we don’t take a bus we are already traveling. So I am recording and learning to use the cameras I got:

With a cell phone Sharp SH-06d.

I got a cell phone from 2012, the camera has eight megapixels, I use VSCO to edit them. It has not the resolution of a modern cell phone but I take the care to shot carefully as I think it’s fantastic to have a device at color, in the eighties in my city color film was not able to be processed so my childhood memories are in black and white.

Unicorn for Pan

Is important to me to draw, always. So I drew this unicorn for a friend. I did it in computer with a stylus as a pen.

With a Sigma DP2 camera.

My digital camera was a Sony R1. I had the doubt about purchase it again, I don’t buy again what I lost as I feel like I were using an intruder, besides every time is harder to get programs able to work with its files and batteries. In its place I got a Sigma DP2, it is a very little camera with 4 megapixels. I would loved a Samsung NX500 instead but it’s fine, any modern camera can help us to don’t forget the world we see (although these little camera seems to have inside a leprechaun stubborn in drive me nuts xP)

With a film camera Canon Eos 7 and Yongnuo 50mm f1.8 lens.

On Black Friday there were big discounts and I got a SLR, I chose a Canon Eos 7 (Elan 7e in US and Eos 33V in Europe) because it was cheaper, silent, lighter and more modern than the stolen Canon EF (the Black beauty) It’s not more handsome but has amazing controls, it’s wonderful to shot with it and so silent that seems it doesn’t use rolls. I considered to get it just because with another big discount I got an already cheap Yongnuo lens.

Shot with a film compact camera Samsung ECX-1.

The Samsung film camera is a bit ugly, so much that the robbers left it. It’s the example that devices with a lot of specifications don’t mean that are funny to use.  I hope with time get nice photographs with it, in this moment the number of buttons you need to press in order to take the photograph distracts me to just see and record.

So that’s all. Happy to see you again in your blogs. I ask your compression (in case you are still there xD) about my reasons to not be able to be here. If I come back to post time will tell. A smile from far away. : )

Lady in ink

This drawing is based in a vignette of a story draw and told (a comic or fumetti considering that the author is Italian) by Hugo Pratt. It has some years and my brother’s cats were scratching it so I decided to scan it before it disappear even more…

The last days I wrote about the Divine Comedy and dreams. It’s already more than a month since the lady I love is absent. Every day I dream about her and to my despair some of them were nightmares: she loved other or she simply had forgotten me, I can control until some point my dreams so I’ve changed them for more positive stories. I assume she is preparing to decide which profession is she going to choose; I’m assuming that I’m not guilty. In the last times when I talked with her my work was heavier so I disconnected a week from the internet to finish it and have more time with her. That was something terribly wrong, she has priority above mere work, I couldn’t find words to say sorry but probably she had to travel. Who knows. It was the first time I feel this with a person I knew in internet so I don’t know much about it, just about what I feel. The first time when she just disappeared I wrote this farewell https://guaromekano.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/alone-again/ but I’m so tired of them, I mean, to say good bye. I think I’m going to do my best to be a better man and get to be with her. But it was inevitable to think in the poor Dante, he made a giant palace to his Beatriz, vast and perfect, but, among several things that means the Divine Comedy, one is about Dante’s nightmare: Beatriz is lost to him and when after crossing the distractions of the geography of hell and purgatory, he got to met her but he never got to be loved. In a certain way that subtle detail was the perfect hell to Dante: Beatriz is not saving him but punishing him; the dream turned into a sad nightmare.

Flujos de energía

 

I draw a lot, not necessarily works of arts, they are technic drawings, but I’ve fun designing electric connections, every point is a point where electricity is transformed in a lot of things: it can be the light that dimly create the mood for a romantic dinner, the reflected light that give you a path in the dark but at the same time enough shadow to create a mystery, also it’s a point of control, nexus between levels, the light that can save you in case of emergency.

But there is an aspect I enjoy about those drawings, it’s that the norm is very open about the final drawing, so my drawings are very personal, it’s my design (reviewed by an electrical engineer of course) and it’s my choice give them a certain curve or length of arch. I try to transmit that energy or that calm or any idea I feel.

Pretty boring I guess, lol.

Geometry of hell

I dreamed that we were on the distant fields; five people in a yellow bus, we had some kind of friendship or even relatedness. In silence we were letting behind the city (a human order) for something different, the fields without farmers were the threshold. The bus crossed it finally towards the darkness like a person fall asleep almost without notice it. We saw that a person (one of us?) has been, alive, disincorparted around the body of the bus. We saw it as something provided because we knew we were in hell, or at least was provided that those things were what one had to expect from hell.

The geography was populated for demons. They were not dedicated to punishments but to play like puppet masters with anything they found in that visceral land; a place where they could do whatever they wanted without meaning nor purpose; or no one we, as human beings, could infere.

We felt persecuted, there was a girl in the group and I think we tried to protect her. We delve in the hell, into its heart, and we sensed that if we were closer to its core we could be safer. The yellow bus was in the past, we walked and saw a supermarket, which was a representation of an ascending order in the hell, and at that point we knew for sure that we would be protected because Satan did not allow chaos or disorder in their presence. To be accepted we bought some banal things with a few and little coins, the demons there, driven for their inner fear, were silent and even diligent. We got closer to the center and Lucifer was not a person but a spherical beam of white light. He (I thought it as a “he”) did not inspire neither fear, admiration nor devotion, simply we knew we were in the presence of an angel.

End of dream. Morning of November 28, 2013. I don’t believe in hell, and that day my brother’s lil white cat died, that was a hell.